#selfpublished...it is ready for pre-order ... now what?
So, here we are. It is written, edited and uploaded. All the issues I had with conversion rectified by the wonderful Amazon. It CAN be pre-ordered. I have yet to create orders for hard-copy.( Not sure if it is the right time for that yet. I am normally SUPER impulsive, so I am consciously trying to not be with that. )
And now I'm at an empass. I don't know what I was expecting, a fanfare? Family has, of course, expressed adequate pride, which was very gratifying.
However, it was fleeting. I have previously read about promotion and thought I had a fair idea of what to do next. Of course, ADHD poor functioning short term memory, notwithstanding, I remember enough to know, that I need to look into it with more detail, but I've forgotten enough to feel the anxiety it will cause is something I should put off.
I now, realise, I should have made a plan for it when I first looked into it (months ago) I did follow certain directions, but dithered over possibly the most helpful parts and now? Now I'm left with a desire to put it off. Believing that in some sort of magical way, I can distance myself from this anxiety.
Anxiety, I need to remind you, I never experienced before starting this darn project!Then my anxiety actually increases! Why? Because, if I start ruminating over the essential plotlines of addiction and the theme I wish to highlight, I get enormously excited by the possibility that it COULD ACTUALLY go some way, in changing society's opinions of this illness that is tearing families and communities apart.
More than that, though, is the fact it could wrap its arms around an addict, bring them in, out of the cold and help them to recover that part of themselves addiction robs them of.
Addiction is a thief and worse than that, a murderer, it kills people. So, when I think of quitting, THAT thought, THAT reality, makes me strive to complete this. When I say this. Not just this book, but this series.
Of course, this is an enormous pressure, I am putting on myself, but I need it, I really do. Now, I believe it to be the ADHD, this means, because I know so much about my own disorder, I KNOW without this pressure, I would walk away from it and have failed to complete something, yet again. The pressure I put myself under serves a function. It is the impetus I need. This has become more important to me, than that blissful state of awareness that I usually operate in.
I do believe the second book will be THE one. It IS the one, in that, the first book sets the stage as it were, introduces the characters and the dilemma facing the wolves, but it is in the second book we start to see the truth of addiction and its casualties.
I have to go along with the belief that this is something God wants in print and what he chooses to do with it is not my call.And that my friends, is a very comforting thought. It relieves me of the responsibility to some end. I do ALL I am able and he fills the gap. Whatever choices I make will be the right ones, because a good man's steps are ordered of the Lord. I hang onto that, really.
I think my best shot is to become a prolific writer. I think, sometimes, I should be happy that it is on its way to being published and that I did it all myself, because when I started this whole thing THAT was the goal! I reached my goal, but somehow it has developed its own goals, that do not include me!
And so, I am at peace, somewhere inside, I just can't find where that is, presently!
