I need to write something...

Let me start this post by stating, I feel like I'm going crazy and am riddled with anxiety.

Good, now that's out of the way, let me continue... It is around 2 months and 2 weeks away from the publishing date of the novel and I am filled with excitement and plagued by anxiety, simultaneously it seems.

I feel extremely positive one minute and yet at the same time, there's this little... voice is the wrong word really. It's more a feeling, I'm missing something or I do not have the time, that the allotted time is far too limited.

I have to continually remind myself that I am working within a timeframe that is set. For 'my steps ARE ordered...' after all and yet, that lack of faith keeps creeping in and it is driving me insane.

I can't distract myself by writing the novel. No. That bit is over. I can't distract myself by editing. That too is over. All I can do is wait until I get the thing back, then I can go forward in the process. It's not like it's been too long and I should have heard by now, either. IT'S ME. I have no patience and I guess God is working on that, but I wish he'd hurry up ;)

I took a look at notes for the second book and am really pleased with what I have, but even thinking of cracking it open and playing with it is making me feel even more terrified. The stupid thing is...

THAT is EXACTLY what I need to do and it would allow my focus on book one drop off and give me some lovely objectivity once I do get it back.

WHY AM I LIKE THIS? A. D. H. FUCKING D. THAT'S WHY! The same 'gift' that allows me to make far-reaching analogies and focus my daydreaming to the extent I can produce a novel is the same 'curse' that fucks up its application and produces anxiety on a level I have rarely experienced before!

So I need to write and so, here I am, writing a blog that is reminding me how STUPID my anxiety is and how I need to count my blessings, open the file named 'book two' and get on with the story. How is my book going to help anyone affected by drug addiction if I don't sort my bloody life out?

Oh, and btw, I think I'm on target for publication for now... There's no reason why it shouldn't all get done in the next two months! If not? Well, I shall have to remind myself it isn't the end of the world and put it off until it is! I just can't wait to get it done really! (ADHD again) I want it done! I'm already in book two in my head, but I guess that is a good reason as any other to crack the fucker open and start shaping the thing eh?