Anouncement! This is a blog about...
I am a writer. I have written a book. I want you to buy that book. HOWEVER. This is NOT a blog about writing. I WAS going to write about my writing process but I have ADHD and believe me I wouldn't know where to start in explaining my haphazard way of writing, which basically involves 'words on page, rearranging words and crying because it isn't good enough'
THAT is my writing process and it bores me. SO, it is confession time. Ok, This is difficult but, I've decided to come completely clean. I know I risk losing some of you but I got to be authentic, I don't possess the capacity for fraud (poor memory - ADHD sucks like that) So, here is where I inform you that if you are looking for tips on writing? You have bet on the wrong horse! I am literally not that! I'm bumbling and tripping through the shit like you wouldn't believe. What I can promise you is stories of the werewolf rehab and blogging on addiction. That's another confession I have. I am an addict and I can't even claim to be in recovery unless you consider replacing crack with caffeine tablets and heroin with listening to biblical texts (weird I know) as recovery I know I have an issue because when I run out of caffeine tablets I have bad withdrawal. I have also been known to get over the counter STRONG painkillers and take them until I run out whereby I then will accept the withdrawal until I by chance get another chance to have them. What this means is. I am an addict, I have just learned quiet ways to be so. Addiction bleeds into every area of your life whether you use or not. An example is the fact when someone I love is in pain, I'm looking for a substance to give them to ease that pain because it is all I know to do. I was always told I had an addictive personality. I thought it was a compliment because I thought it meant I had a personality others were addicted to. Little did I realise it really meant I was more likely to use a substance to numb my pain. That I would be most likely to hurt and alienate people because of my desire for any one substance. That I was to go through life losing friends and people I love not just as a result of my own addiction but as a result of theirs. I feel, this blog has to include that because one of the main themes of the book series is recovery from addiction. I also felt as we approach the new year it was time for me to come completely clean entirely and say. Hello, my name is Andrea and I am an addict... I'm not even sure if I'm going to publish this entry because I feel so aware of the fact that what I have exposed WILL be a cause of shame to my family, but here's the thing, shame is what keeps us addicts, that very fear ALLOWS OTHERS TO THREATEN US WITH EXPOSURE and stops us getting the help we need because it stays in the dark. I need to shine a light on it. I'm a good person but I have done bad things as a result of my addictive personality (although I can honestly confess not recently) I have been clean of crack and heroin for over 20 years and of speed for over 15. BUT, my addiction WAS complicated by ADHD. An example is 'the speed.' I'd take it every day but I would take just one dab and it treated my symptoms. I literally used it as medication. So, I wouldn't be climbing the walls, I'd just be able to think clearly. It was an anomaly, however. Using it like that made me no less an addict at the time. Now, my life is pretty good. Boring in fact! I'd rather sit on the settee and read a book than go out partying! However. After my life? Boring is good! But I've noticed I use my caffeine tablets to be productive rather than to get *feels* because I have balance, connectivity, spirituality and I have self-love. I am a complicated, special little snowflake and I'm okay with that now and it has inspired me to want others to get through their struggle with substance abuse and go beyond my 'weird little coping mechanism' recovery. Connect with me and go beyond me. You may be in denial. I'm going to go into the metaphors of the book and say... You may be a werewolf addicted to man flesh but believe just because you only occasionally eat fingertips you're no longer an addict, (i. e. you have given up one substance for another) but let me tell you if you embrace the truth you could be free. COMPLETELY! I may get there one day, I'm down to maybe 300 mg of caffeine a day which is really good considering it could be up to 1200 mg a few years back. I'm not where I want to be but thank God I'm not where I was! I'm hoping my writing will help me exorcise my demons. What I am facing doing this is very painful to me but if it helps one person, it WILL be worth it. You know, I never thought that the very thing that afflicted me could be interwoven into a story that (I hope) would help others, but here I am So, no, no blogging on how to write better because I don't know how you could write better, but if you want to join me on a real journey of recovery from addiction (whilst being a bit of a div and having ADHD) well 'Hey and how are ya?' PS: If you want to see addiction interwoven into a story of metaphors of werewolves about to enter rehab, I can highly recommend my book!
